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  1. #1
    Senior Member Guru witchly's Avatar
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    Default Dealing With Unsupportive Family/Friends

    I keep seeing this come up in other threads, that folks are having issues dealing with unsupportive family and friends as far as homeschooling goes.

    We've been doing this for a while and I can tell you that it does get easier. People become a tad more accepting and/or they just keep their mouths shut a bit more.

    If you have teachers in your circle sometimes they can be tougher. It seems they feel you are attacking them personally and saying you can do what they do just as well if not better even though you don't have the same credentials they have. My response to teachers is always that I have a great deal of respect for what they do. I think that (most) have wonderful dedication and have very tough jobs handling so many kids and all those different learning styles, plus having to deal with all the administrative stuff as well. Usually explaining my thoughts to them helps a little. Then I add in that for my son this just works better for him, this is particularly true since he has some extra "issues" that now can be addressed rather than just shuffled by in a regular school setting that was not designed for kids like him.

    Family that are not teachers who don't approve - they ask the same questions over and over. I give them the same answers. They tend to back down after a while. Most are just generally confused. We have also found they like to be included somehow in our school. Recently my son was learning about charts and graphs and using a spreadsheet so we did an M&M's survey. He emailed and called family and friends to ask survey questions and they were all anxious to help and hear the results even.

    Just try to not feel so defensive, but think about your answers ahead of time. Smile when you answer if you can. Be positive, it will help.

    Just hang in there!
    Robyn
    Secular homeschooler of 1 son (14)
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  2. #2
    Forum Moderator aandwsmom's Avatar
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    Thanks! I too have noticed that at some point MOST of us have gone thru this! It really helps that we have each other and posts like this to let us know we are not alone, PLUS really helpful advice!!

  3. #3
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    Ah, what I said to their teachers, I know you are great teachers, and you were doing a great job, but I just really miss my kids when they are gone ALL day, and I only get to see them for 3-4 good hours in a day. That isn't enough for me.
    It also makes me sad that I spent about 2 of those hours trying to get them to do more school work.
    Now, who wouldn't understand that? Right?

  4. #4
    Administrator hearthstone_academy's Avatar
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    People have raised their eyebrows over the size of our family, nursing for three or four years, homeschooling, etc. I have one, standard response to anything that even hints of criticism: "My husband and I have decided this is the best choice for our family." If they continue to try and argue, I simply repeat it and change the subject to the weather or something.

    We don't get much (any?) criticism anymore, because we've been at it so long and our kids are obviously just fine.

    Homeschooling 6 Kids for 15 Years and Counting

  5. #5
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    Kelly, I'm excited to hear that you are an advocate for extended breastfeeding!!
    My twins were nursed for 3 years, and my daughter just after 2. (She was so obnoxious about nursing, I had to cut her off.) That sounds terrible huh? LOL
    Yeah, when we have different lifestyles, it is really hard at first to defend them. It does get easier though. I got a lot of flack for my nursing, and the way we eat as well.

  6. #6
    Administrator hearthstone_academy's Avatar
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    That length of nursing works well for my family situation. It amazes me when people make comments about it. I wouldn't dream of saying anything about a woman who chose to nurse for a shorter amount of time or not nurse at all (unless she specifically asked for my opinion). I'm very discreet, so I don't think it's a matter of them being offended.

    There are certain decisions that seem to leave us open to unwelcome comments . . . like homeschooling.

    Homeschooling 6 Kids for 15 Years and Counting

  7. #7
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    I have been lucky and have not had many negative responses to our homeschooling. When we are out during normal school hours and someone asks my son jumps in with " I am homeschooled." and he goes about his business. No one has ever responded with more than "oh thats nice" One of the ladies I work with, when she found out, said "good for you, that is wonderful" Another lady who has a teaching degree, was negative when she first found out but I just told her all that matters is my son and this is what is best for him right now. When we got his test results back from his end of year test I got great pleasure in telling her how great he did and how he is above grade level in most areas.
    Amber
    13y/o son with PDD-NOS

  8. #8
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    My have been opinionated about homeschool all along. They have questioned it and made comments to other family members. My husband and I went out to dinner and Grandma watched the boys for us. When we came home our oldest son told us that Grandma had tested him to see what he knew. My sister in law who watched the boys also tested them while we were gone to my Grandfather's funeral. Both of my sister in laws are teachers and find it offensive that I have decided I can be a teacher without formal training.
    My husband had a talk with his sister and mother. We still after 3 years of homeschool get the comments, but we are learning that they are entitled to their opinion. By the way Grandma and Sis in law have not baby sat since.


    Chasiety

  9. #9
    Senior Member Guru witchly's Avatar
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    Wow - testing them? That is crossing a line I think.
    Robyn
    Secular homeschooler of 1 son (14)
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  10. #10
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    Hi,
    I don't leave many messages here, but I had to jump in.

    It was in 1976 when I had my first Son and nursed for 3 years. I was a teen so I got many looks even when somewhat older and he was being slowly weened.
    I used to get so many "looks" and every once in a while a out loud snicker.
    Being so proud of my child, and myself for nursing, I would just reply, "oh you did not nurse your baby?" It put the shoe on the other foot. Ha!

    Educating myself by joining up with La Leche League in my area was great for me when I was first breastfeeding as I was so young and knew little, never had a real example, just knew I wanted to breastfeed as I felt it was the natural thing to do, God planned it that way and I wanted the best for my child. Those were always good responses too. (chuckle)

    Not that woman who don't breastfeed....well you know what I mean, that was just what I was thinking then, and now still think it is best. Many women have to choose other ways and that is okay for them.

    Homeschooling comments from others, well we live in a small area and I don't have to hear many of those. We are accidental homeschoolers and yes my anger is turning around.

    I loved being a teachers aid whenever possible, was highly involved in the school at one time, the boys were top fund raisers and then...(music playing) "Policy" happened.
    Principle changes, eSIS, so many issues.
    Whenever a parent is thought of as a helper in education and the school is not considered the helper..well problems can arise.
    We are not all one soul. They can not keep up with all the differences in people and learning styles. Children are held back and blah blah blah, I love the comeback of "It is the right thing for our family at this time." or "If you would be willing to pay for a private school for my children, please do so."
    Diligence, cooperation, integrity, resposibility.
    ***
    4 Kids=
    2 all grown up, 2 grandboys we raise, ages 9 and 11 yrs, 1 great hubby/wildland firefighter who spoils us. 1 mauvalous (smile) dog,20 laying hens,2 stickbugs,1 'keetybird and little ol' me.

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