My 16 y/o refused to do school work for the entire year because she has an aide
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Thread: My 16 y/o refused to do school work for the entire year because she has an aide

  1. #1
    dana1914 is offline Junior Member Newbie
    Join Date
    Feb 2016

    Default My 16 y/o refused to do school work for the entire year because she has an aide

    My daughter will be 17 in a month and hasn't done any school work her entire year because her aide isn't removed. She is in the 11th grade, is in general education since 9th grade, and has an aide with her all day. She harassed me all summer to remove the aide. She asked me to write a letter to the school to remove the aide but they didn't. Ever since then she flat out refused to do her schoolwork for the entire year. She comes to school and just sits on her desk doing nothing. I progressively took away everything. She has nothing except a bed blanket and some simple clothes. No TV, internet, friends, anything. The school calls me EVERY DAY telling me she refuses to do her work. I had to go to so many meetings with the school. It's driving me crazy. Some 2 months ago I told her not to talk to me about removing the aide. But recently while she was suspended for hitting the aide I told her to just listen to her teachers and do her work, and she started arguing with me. I can't go to the school every 2 weeks. I have more important things to worry about. My mother has severe Alzheimer's and can't be on her own. She has a caretaker during weekdays and I take care of her during the weekend. I also have a part time job from home. At one of the meetings I asked why they didn't listen to her and remove the aide. They said the aide is to protect her so kids won't bully her. In elementary school kids harassed her so many times (I talked to the school about it, they did nothing) so in 5th grade she harassed the kids back CONSTANTLY. Her middle school said they will make sure she won't be bullied again and will give her an aide. I didn't ask what it was but it was the schools decision, not mine. I go to a psychotherapist every week and suggest she come to resolve this situation but she won't until the aide is removed. When we dragged her there (this happened only once) she just refused to talk to the therapist.

    She has been suspended for spitting at the aide, throwing things at the aide, and was once arrested for hitting the aide. I had to pick her up at the police station. She says if the aide talks to her she will punch her and doesn't care about consequences. She has been in general ed since 9th grade and was doing great. She did all her work. She stopped going to counseling and OT at 9th grade because "I'm not retarded" but still did well academically and never had significant behavior issues until this year. Last year she asked me a few times to remove the aide but I had no idea she was talking about until my friend explained (right before summer). She begged me all summer to remove the aide. Then when school started she asked me to write a letter to remove the aide. I did. That day the school called me and asked if my daughter made me write the letter. I told them my daughter asked me to write the letter and has been begging me all summer to remove the aide. I asked her a few times why she doesn't want to have an aide. The response is either she's not retarded or doesn't need a babysitter. I told her I go to psychotherapy every week and I'm not retarded. I already wrote a letter to the school asking them to remove the aide. I don't want to fight the school. I have to worry about my mother. My husband works. I told her I can arrange psychotherapy for her "not until I remove the aide." She will be 17 in March. Any advice is appreciated.

  2. #2
    dgwheeler is offline Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2015


    Maybe you need to help your daughter understand that its not the aides fault they have to be with her. So lashing out at the aide is just being a rude brat on her part. Maybe she also doesnt get that the way she is acting towards the aide (and her schoolwork) is just proving to the school that she DOES need the aide??

    My daughter hit her most rebellious time at 11 years old and kept it until... well she mostly began growing out of it about the time she turned 15. She is still a little... well... anyway. Shes still a pain to me but everythinks shes the sweetest thing.

  3. #3
    lovehmschlg's Avatar
    lovehmschlg is offline Forum Moderator
    Join Date
    Nov 2012


    Is it possible to give her a week without the aide to see how it goes? It sounds to me like she's embarrassed about having an aide with her at school. Ask the school to give her a week trial period without the aide. And talk to your daughter and tell her this is her chance to prove that she's responsible and mature enough to handle herself, have self-control if/when she's bullied. Talk about how she will handle the situation if she is bullied, reminding her that if she loses self control and doesn't handle it well, the school will require her to have an aide. So I would prepare her ahead of time and equip her on how she would handle a bully. And of course, without the aide, to prove that she can and will be self disciplined and competent in doing her work on her own.
    proud2Bgreen likes this.
    enjoying homeschooling and learning with my kids, using T4L and T4W
    blogging our homeschool experiences at The Learning Hourglass

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