Hi! New HS mom due to "School Phobia" ~ would LOVE some support & friends! :)
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  1. #1
    Dory's Avatar
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    Default Hi! New HS mom due to "School Phobia" ~ would LOVE some support & friends! :)

    Hello everyone! I recently joined T4L and we LOVE it!!! I am a very proud mom of 4 daughters (21,19,15,14) and 1 son (7), and I am also a proud grandma of a grandson (3) and a soon to be grandaughter (due in May). I just wanted to share my story with you. I'll warn you that it will be long...so for whoever takes the time to read it, thank you!

    Part 1:

    I recently made the move to homeschool my son last week...after weeks of debating over it. He had some medical problems from the beginning of the school year (constant constipation) and was having alot of accidents. We were seeing our family doctor and she referred us to a specialist...with a month wait...uggghhh! In the meantime, I instructed the school over and over to contact me if he went to the nurse so I could come to school and get him cleaned up (I only live about a minute from the school).


    Well...needless to say, one day, the nurse did not contact me and sent my son back to class after he had an accident. He sat in dirty pants all day...totally miserable. He is very shy and was to embarrassed to tell his teacher. The kids around him noticed the "smell" and called him "poopy pants" the rest of the day. He came home a wreck. You can imagine the anger that I felt towards the school!!! His teacher is a sweetheart and loves my son, but she is a little old lady with almost 30 first graders she is teaching by herself...she just can't see everything that happens. Typical school funding problem, and the kids suffer. Pffff. Anyway, I called the principal and she reassured me that it wouldn't happen again; however, the damage had been done!


    The next day was total hell for my son. He was scared to death all day long that he was going to have an accident and spent the day crying in a book. The next day, I kept him home, and we finally had our appointment with a specialist. His accidents were happening more and more...sometimes 10 times a day. He had an impaction and was diagnosed with "mega colon"...which is where his colon had stretched and he had no feeling or sensation when he had to go to the bathroom.

    I enrolled him in the Homebound Program and that seemed to go pretty well. He did his lessons at home and met with his teacher twice a week. Well, finally after about 2 months, his colon shrunk back (he still has to take a stool softener so he doesn't get constipated again, because the colon will stretch right back out, and we will end up with the same problems). Well, we were sooooo happy that he now had control and was not having accidents...my son could go back to school and have a normal happy life again. Boy was I wrong!!!


    He was so traumatised over being teased and being called "poopy pants" that I could not get him back to school. He was scared to death that we would be teased again. Even though he was "physically" ok, he was still scared he might have an accident and have to go through the humiliation all over again. I felt so guilty because I had his specialist release him from the Homebound Program because he was physically ok, but, I had no idea we would be dealing with emotional issues. So now his absences were considered tardy. After several days of him having complete breakdowns in the morning and refusing to go to school, I took him to a psychologist. He said that my son was experiencing "School Phobia" and had an anxiety disorder.


    How could this happen? My son used to love school...and because of bullies teasing him...it now terrified him. I took him to therapy for 2 weeks and kept in contact with the school. They were pretty understanding, but also made it known that he HAD to get back to school. It was make or break time.


    Last Monday was the day that he was going to go back to school and use his coping skills that the psychologist taught him for when he felt stressed. My son didn't sleep at all Sunday night and was scared to death for Monday morning. Well, sure enough, it took almost 2 hours to convince him to atleast try to go to school. We got to school and it took another half hour to get him into the school. Oh my!!!


    As soon as we entered the school, he had a complete breakdown. I got him into the office and he made a run for the door to leave school. I had to drag him back into the office, and it was not easy. I'm a petite woman, and he literally overpowered me. The principal had come running when she saw what was happening and tried her best to coax him into the office. Once we were in there, we had to shut the door so he would not run. By this time, I knew that I was going to pull him out, but I still had to talk to the principal. He had a complete panic attack...huddled in the corner, hyperventilating, crying, begging to leave, and he was covered in hives. The principal stood there in shock. I think she thought that my son had been trying to play the system and he just didn't want to come to school. She felt so bad and apologized to me. Well, a little late for that...


    She asked what I wanted to do, and I said that I was pulling him out for Homeschool. She said that she usually doesn't recommend that, but in our situation, she agreed that it would be best. I didn't even collect his belongings...we just got the heck out of there and I got home and sent an email to her to withdrawal him from school. I called the psychologist after that, and he also agreed and said that if it was his son, he would of done the same thing. I asked him about the hives on my son, and the psychologist said that can happen during extreme panic attacks.


    My sons principal has since e-mailed me back and actually praised my decision and said that he is a wonderful little boy and that she was sure I would do a good job. That was nice to hear, but I think she is feeling a little guilty...haha. Anyway, atleast he will be welcomed back with open arms should we decide to send him back to PS. But as for now, I am enjoying HS, so I don't think that will happen.

    The only mistake I see that I have made is signing him up through our States Educational website for Homeschooling. I thought I was required to do that, but after reading so much, I guess I wasn't. Ooopsies.

  2. #2
    Dory's Avatar
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    Part 2:

    After pulling my son from PS, he is a whole new child and seems so much happier that he doesn't have to go back. I finally have my son back!!! I am sad and angry because he used to love school so much. But, I have complete faith and believe that everything happens for a reason. I still have him in therapy just so he can continue to learn coping skills incase he ever is an a similar situation later on in life, but I really don't think I will send him back to school...even if he does get ready. I see how one thing changed my son so much, and if he would of been home with me and learning, he would of been protected from all of the bullying. I know, as parents, we can't protect our children from everything, but I can sure do my best when it comes to certain things that can be avoided.


    These last few months have been so stressful. To think that it is all because the school didn't obey my orders to call me. This could of all been avoided. Not that he might not of experienced anxiety over something else, but these last few stressful months could of been avoided. Grrrr... I am so looking forward to this adventure, and so is my son. He is really advanced for his age and school work was kind of boring for him anyway. He is such a good boy and I am so proud of him. Luckily, living in a small town, he has alot of friends close by, so he can still keep his friendships. I am also planning on taking field trips with other homeschool families so he will still be "socialised" ~ lol. I have made some phone calls to some HS support groups around our area that I found on the internet, but so far, no one has returned my calls.


    With only a few months of school left, I didn't invest in a curriculum...I ordered a book called "Learn At Home" on ebay (which I would highly recommend), and we also have a huge home library, so we should have plenty to keep us busy for the rest of the year. Plus...T4L will play a big part of his Homeschool education. I have no idea what curriculum to choose next year for 2nd grade, but I have plenty of time to figure that out. I am hoping that T4L will be enough so that i don't have to worry about buying a complete curriculum.


    My daughters are kind of jealous and have thought about also being homeschooled (2 are already graduated), but they don't want to give up their activities at school. I have 1 that is a cheerleader and 1 that is big in FFA...so unless they change their mind, they are going to finish out high school like their sisters.


    Well, sorry my story is was long...it's just hard to explain it all with just a few sentences. I look very forward to getting to know all of you and sharing ideas. I need a good support system right now. Living in a small town, there isn't much of that. Luckily, I have a very supportive husband, family and friends...so that is a plus. Also, I meant to add that I live in Indiana...so that is good. The homeschool laws are not strict, so I am very happy about that.


    Also, if I can answer any questions about "School Phobia" for anyone, just let me know. I have done a ton of research on this, and it is a real phobia. So many schools don't recognize it, and they think that the children are just being brats and don't want to go to school.

    The way my sons psychologist described it to me was like this:

    Imagine if you are an adult and have a fear of spiders. Now imagine being locked in a closet with hundreds of spiders...doesn't sound too fun, does it? That is the kind of fear that a child feels when experiencing a panic attack or anxiety...only worse because they are so young and helpless. School Phobia isn't that uncommon...it is just misunderstood. Anyway, if anyone has any questions, I will do the best to answer them for you. We are all here for the same reason, and I would love to be able to provide advice like you guys have provided me these last several days from reading this forum.

    Thank you for reading my story (and probably all my typos...haha).

    God Bless you all, friends. (I really like this smiley ~ lol)

  3. #3
    Strouse House's Avatar
    Strouse House is offline Senior Member
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    Wow that is amazing. I am so glad that things are working out now w/ your son. T4Ling is wonderful and all you will need. You can add any extra's that HE wants to learn about. Like boats or a certain animal. The possibilities are endless.

    I don't know how it goes in Indiana, but in Florida you can duel enroll in any class in the public school system that includes sports and clubs. If your girls do want to homeschool you should check into if that is an option in your state.

    Thank you for sharing your struggle. We are all better together as we go on our Homeschool Journey!!!!
    Brandy - Christian (86), Wife (93), and Mother (boy 99, girl 07,boy 08). Homeschooling since 2003. Come check out our adventures in life and Time4Learning.com at Five in Training For Him.


  4. #4
    Dory's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Strouse House View Post
    Wow that is amazing. I am so glad that things are working out now w/ your son. T4Ling is wonderful and all you will need. You can add any extra's that HE wants to learn about. Like boats or a certain animal. The possibilities are endless.

    I don't know how it goes in Indiana, but in Florida you can duel enroll in any class in the public school system that includes sports and clubs. If your girls do want to homeschool you should check into if that is an option in your state.

    Thank you for sharing your struggle. We are all better together as we go on our Homeschool Journey!!!!
    Thank you so much for the warm welcome. I just love all of the support here. That would be great if T4L will be enough for my sons education this year. He likes to read, so we do alot of that anyway...writing, he doesn't like so much, but he doesn't complain. And, I am not sure about sports at the PS and homeschooling. I know that my best friend (who was also my pastor) homeschooled her children and took them to the school for speech therapy and other things like that...so maybe it is the same with sports??? Unfortunately, she passed away last year from breast cancer leaving 6 children behind. There is so much I wish I could ask her right now. She tried for so long to get me to homeschool my kids, so I know she is smiling down at me from Heaven. I sometimes wonder if she had a small hand in this?

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    Strouse House's Avatar
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    Ooohh! After your post I did a web search for to see if they do duel enrollment in your state.

    Look what I found. This chart says that you can and you can also do extra curricular stuff too.

    http://www.indiana.edu/~homeeduc/state_regs.html

    In my county in Florida we have one person who is in charge of homeschoolers who works for the school ssystem. This is the person we send our letter of intent to, I would recommend you contact them and ask questions about duel enrollment. Then maybe when the new school year starts you can bring your girls home too. Hope this helps.

    Brandy
    Brandy - Christian (86), Wife (93), and Mother (boy 99, girl 07,boy 08). Homeschooling since 2003. Come check out our adventures in life and Time4Learning.com at Five in Training For Him.


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    Dory's Avatar
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    Brandy ~ What a sweetheart you are!!! Thank you sooooo much for finding me that link. I just showed one of my daughters, and she smiled. We will see... As for living in Indiana, I am so glad. I didn't know that some States were so strict with Homeschooling. I guess that could change here, though. You know, now that I think about it, my pastor did send her sons to our Elementary School for basketball after school...I totally forgot about that. I wouldn't send my son right now for sports or anything else, because just looking at the school could send him into an panic attack. His psychologist said that even certain smells or sounds can set them off. But anyway, thank you again Brandy for that link...I really appreciate it! BIG (((HUGS)))...

    I think I'm gonna like it here...

  7. #7
    Yca's Avatar
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    dory - welcome to the group!! you are going to be a great addition, i can tell already!! so sorry your son had to go thru such an ordeal, poor little guy! glad he's feeling better tho, and what an amazing road you've had to your decision!

    you're going to find that beyond t4l, you won't "need" to do much, but you're going to "want" to!! we have lots of "extra" projects that we're working on: bible studies, a history of the state of florida (where we live), inventors, special research questions with dad (where they get a chance to answer those 101 gazillion annoying questions that could actually teach them stuff), spelling, reading, journalling, etc .... i would advise you start him doing some kind of writing tho - it is THE most important thing they can perfect in school. when jack was in 1st grade, he had to draw a picture about something i suggested, and then write one to two sentences about it.

    we have lots of friends that do "dual enrollment" for the purpose of activities. we don't, but that's just us. i'm hoping once we get to middle school, we might start adding some stuff. we are very active in scouts, tho.

    finding homeschool groups might be difficult in a small town, but don't lose heart! if all else fails, start one of your own!! start with your church and work outward, you'll never know who you can find.

    good luck, God bless, and let us know if you need anything else! so glad to have you!
    ~ Yca ~
    (otherwise known as Jess )

    Wife to Dave and Mom to Red - 13, The Princess - 11, Fluffyheaded Diva - 6, and Sir Smiley - 3
    Read about our adventures HERE!


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    Eric's Mom is offline Junior Member Newbie
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    Hi Dori,

    We are new to home schooling too. My son is 6 years old and in first grade. I pulled him out of public school because I realized he was too anxious while at school. I'm excited to see where this journey will take us.
    Eric's Mom

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    Lisa's7 is offline Member
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    Welcome from another Indiana homeschooler. Hug that boy and be glad you did what was best for him. Yep, all we have to do is keep attendance to show the superintendent of schools IF he ever ASKS for it. Not too likely but I keep a chart anyway. I began T4L last year when my ds was in 2nd grade. At that age it's enough with plenty of other reading and fun stuff (museums, field trips, etc.).

  10. #10
    ddmtappan is offline Junior Member Newbie
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    Hi! my daughter is is 3rd grade now. In kindergarten she went to PS and was always crying and saying"I can't take it anymore!" Wow, kindergarten is suppose to be fun. So we homeschooled her for 1st grade thinking that she just needed to mature a little. In second grade, we put her back in PS, and it was the same thing again. Teacher calling me, after the fact, telling me that my daughter was so distraught that she had to be removed from the classroom. Wow, now the kids in the class think she is weird. She was just crying because she did not understand how to do the work and the teacher told her that she "should know, because it was already taught". They even sent her to the councilor for help. My husband was thinking that we just have and very emotional and grumpy child. Now, we are back to homeschooling for 3rd grade and she is doing great. She is happy, well adjusted and a pleasure to be around. She plays with other kids at church, soccer, playdates and swimteam. My husband says that he truly can see a difference and thinks now that homeschooling is best for her. Every child is unique and learns differently and needs different environments to thrive in. SHe is one that needs homeschooling and Time4learning has been great. My daughter says that is so not boring!! Loves the game shows! I do have an older daughter (14) as she had been in PS the entire time. It has worked for her. However; we have placed her in a charter High school, due to drugs and gang violence at the PS.
    I do have a question about how to plan Lang. Extention with Lang. arts. Do I do them together? Or do I do Lang. arts and fill in with Lang. Ext.? Or do move through both at the same time and the same rate?

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