Some days I can't help but cry....
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  1. #1
    sssproudmama's Avatar
    sssproudmama is offline Junior Member
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    Unhappy Some days I can't help but cry....

    Some days it is so hard to reach her that it breaks my heart in two. What do I do ? What can I do? What should I do? Why does'nt work? Why does she not get it? Why am I failing her? I can feel so bombarded with the ?'s. I want to make it all easy and simple for her. It does not bothe me that she san not read or add or subtract on her level or mostly at all. It bothers me that she tries and tries and treis and does not get it. That she knows she is trying hard and does not get it. I hate her going to school. They hold her to these higher than her high standards while knowing her situation and still expecting her to be at their level as though it is a magician standing beside her all day. we had a grooving flow during spring break and it was teriffic. now that she is back at school we are back to square one again.
    How do I reach my baby? she is only 6 and she has to deal with all of this and much more. some days I just cry in secrecy because I just don't know what to do anymore. It is so hard to explain what I feel inside.
    You have but only this one life to raise your children up to be ethical, moral, intelligent, upstanding, humble, God loving men and women... so always do what you believe and know to be best for them.

    sssproudmama

  2. #2
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    I am so sorry to hear your sadness. I did go back and read your earlier posts to learn more about you situation. The first things that come to mind is to know that you have had success, and that with special needs kids, we often take 2 steps back for each step forward. The other thing to KNOW is that you ARE NOT FAILING HER! and that you can't and should not make things easy for her. Know that WHEN she does learn it, it will be "up there" forever!

    I have a feeling that you will see much more success when you are finally able to hs full time and she won't have the conflicting "home" and "school" stuff going on!

    Also know that you have a network of support and prayer here, and we will be your should to cry on. HUGS!
    Sandra
    Mom to Mo, Chet and the Tim-inator!!!

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  3. #3
    sssproudmama's Avatar
    sssproudmama is offline Junior Member
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    Thank you Sandra. All that you said really helped me alot. I had to step back a moment and realize that I was not seeing her but seeing the expectations set before her at school and instead of appreciating her accomplishments that I see her make at home, I was actually upset about the homework and schoolwork struggle. The things that I already knew she did not know or understand. I have to stop myself from moving her at a pace that is faster than her own and allow her to move at her level of knowledge and understanding. Her class moves so quickly that they teach a new concept for two days, review for two days and test on fridays and move on to the newest concept after the weekend. I keep worrying myself that she will lose her love of learning and I hate that she hates ging to school. She has a natural thirst and hunger for knowledge and she never gives up.

    You are so right once it is up there it is up there. It hurts when her teachers end me letters or notes about her "failures" and try to say she deliberatly refuses to learn, when we know that is not our child. she begs for work to do everyday, but gets frustrated at being behind at school. I really can not wait until she is home with me. I am estatic for June to arrive. My goal is to break the mold within myself. I am already trying to train myself to let our homeschool life create it's own flow of course with structure and stability. I want to be able to make the choices that work for each child not just dish out the work and grade it. I am looking forward to being able to find and enhance their personal strengths. I know that she will learn what she needs to learn in her own way on and in her own time. I takes lots of patience, reputition, encouragement, support and love to reach her and to teach. She only responds to that. I believe that is why her teachers say she chooses not to do her work because when she is overstimulated or upset she just shuts down. It is actually as though she literally goes to her happy place and shuts the world out until she feels safe again. It is hard for them to understand that she has been this way since NICU and that age nor environment has changed her safety response.

    I constantly worry in situations with her if I am expecting to much or too little. What I want to learn to do is drop the expectations and just allow our family to be all that it needs to be without saying according such and such we should be here by now. Special needs are so broad that I have not yet found the shoe that fits so to speak. What I have found is that for my girls love and affection is the key. It is as though they need me so much that it worries me what would happen to them if I was not here.

    Sorry guys for the spartically written novel. lol Just lightening my chest some.
    You have but only this one life to raise your children up to be ethical, moral, intelligent, upstanding, humble, God loving men and women... so always do what you believe and know to be best for them.

    sssproudmama

  4. #4
    mcmary is offline Member
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    Hi,

    I don't know any specifics or details about your situation but thought I'd share a bit about our story. My daughter (she's now twelve) has a medical condition (hydrocephalus) which results in visual motor/visual spatial deficits that significantly impact her learning. Handwriting and math were her primary concerns but almost all areas of her learning are affected. It becamee apparent in second grade that she needed some serious intervention so we enrolled her in educational therapy. The results have been wonderful. Educational therapy follows the same treatment model as physical, occupational and speech therapy. The underlying processing and cognitive deficits that affect learning are stimulated. It's based on all of the latest brain research. Anyhow, educational therapy was a god-send for us. You can find out more information if you look up NILD Discovery program or NILD educational therapy.
    Let me know if you have any questions!

    Take care,

    Mary

  5. #5
    sssproudmama's Avatar
    sssproudmama is offline Junior Member
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    Thank you Mary for the information. The main issue with her medically speaking is understanding the level of brain damage that her hydrocephalus has caused her. As she gets older we are seeing more issues arise. It seems like just when we thought we had a handle on it all she needs more help than ever with the arising concerns. The problems are affecting all aspects of her learning as well. It is her ability recall, memory and ability to fully comprehend that is affected the most. We have noticed that the issues are much more complex than add/ocd and we our now in the process of finding the "what's wrong and what helps".
    You have but only this one life to raise your children up to be ethical, moral, intelligent, upstanding, humble, God loving men and women... so always do what you believe and know to be best for them.

    sssproudmama

  6. #6
    mcmary is offline Member
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    I completely understand! Keep doing what your doing- getting information and finding out what helps- and you will make a huge difference in your child's development. Getting full neuropsychological evaluations with academic recommendations was VERY VERY helpful for us. Your local children's hospital should have some on staff as part of the neurology department. In additional to educational therapy our daughter, over the years, has received physical therapy, occupational therapy, hippotherapy, water therapy and therapeutic horseback riding. Plus she takes glyconutrients through Mannarelief's Hope program (which have made a HUGE difference- she no longer has seizures and no longer needs to take seizure meds). Hang in there- the brain is very "plastic" and resiliant and, especially with early intervention, can make huge gains.

    Mary

  7. #7
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    Dear ssproudmama,

    My heart so connected with yours. You've been given wonderful, WONDERFUL feedback and practical advice. I want to offer you some spiritual food that feeds my heart. I just spoke to a group of special needs homeschool moms on Monday night. Know that you are NOT alone.

    You worded so well the cry of my heart so many times over the years. I would bet that is true of most of here in this group. In that moment we truly feel overwhelmed and inadequate. My prayer is that this group is a safe place to fall I pray that you will always come here so that we can meet you with open arms.

    Please know this, there is no one in this world that could ever do a better job than "you". God does not make mistakes. Your child is absolutely perfect and YOU are the best mother/teacher your child could ever have.

    "Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed." Psalm 139:13-16

    For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. Ephesians 2:10

    When I start to feel inadequate and overwhelmed I have learned to immediately stop and ask myself "Whose" voice I'm listening to?

    The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life. John 10:10

    The enemy wants to come in and whisper lies to make me feel inadequate. I begin to worry that I am hurting my children by not doing more. But then I turn to God's Word and HIS voice tenderly comes riding to the rescue...,

    For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord. Plans to Prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a HOPE and a FUTURE! Jeremiah 29:11

    God has already planned out your child's life and it is perfect! Our children are not broke. They are 100% who they are supposed to be. Our job is not to fix them, but equip them. There is a big difference. Fixing makes me feel anxious. Equipping makes me feel excited.

    God's ways are not our ways...,

    “I will destroy the wisdom of the wise and discard the intelligence of the intelligent.” So where does this leave the philosophers, the scholars, and the world’s brilliant debaters? God has made the wisdom of this world look foolish. 1 Corinthians 1:19-20




    Last edited by MamaMary; 04-21-2010 at 08:38 PM.
    Mary, Child of the King of Kings, Jesus Christ! Wife to best friend and Mama to her four boys 91, 96, 00, 02, Homeschooling since 1998! Come visit us on our blog! http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/MamaMary/

  8. #8
    trittywitty is offline Junior Member Newbie
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    Hi,
    I'm new here but I understand your frustrations. I have an 11 year old boy who is mentally handicapped and is on about a 4-6 year old level. They were pushing him through the school system as most do to get them out of school. No thanks to this no child left behind law it is not helping children who are struggling in school. I am also learning disabled and this is what happened to me. I was pushed through school got out on my own and couldnt even balance a check book. Knew nothing about bank accounts or credit/debit cards and was so embarrassed when I went to the bank and didn't know much. Fortunately a lady there took the time to fully explain everything to me that the school system should have taught me and I opened my bank account and was on my way to getting a job. Another big thing I didn't know how or where to start but I found a job within a few weeks and was trained to be a cashier. I didn't want my son to be pushed through like I was but finding curriculum that would meet his special needs is tough. I've been homeschooling him since he was 6 years old and making/creating my own curriculum for him. Finally 2 years ago my mom bought a jumpstart disk for him and he loved it so much and was learning faster than I ever saw him learn. For 3 years I tried to teach him to count. With jumpstart in a year he learned to count and do simple addition within a year and a half! Now I have found this pretty neat curriculum that I am going to try and excited about to help him also. He did the demos today and loved it. So now I have jumpstart and this program to keep him interested in learning new things. I also use Math-U-See to help him with his math. This has also worked wonders with him. Right now he is struggling with subtraction but we are still making progress. I can go at his pace instead of the school's pace. It has been awesome watching Eddie being frustrated with his work to loving it and learning it! It has not been an easy road and we still have a long road ahead of us but now with the help of these programs and curriculums I'm hoping to make progress to where he's able to communicate better, to write his letters and possibly in the future even be able to read! I went from crying everyday to being excited again! I know your struggles but when you find the right curriculum you'll find the joy that I have found at last! I will be praying for you all!

  9. #9
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    Welcome TrittyWitty,

    I LOVE your testimony. You are a fighter and I love your perseverance. Thank you for sharing your story. I am positive it's going to help so many people.

    (((Big Hugs)))
    Mary
    Mary, Child of the King of Kings, Jesus Christ! Wife to best friend and Mama to her four boys 91, 96, 00, 02, Homeschooling since 1998! Come visit us on our blog! http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/MamaMary/

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