Super discouraged! About to Quit!
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Thread: Super discouraged! About to Quit!

  1. #1
    Ruby is offline Junior Member
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    Default Super discouraged! About to Quit!

    We are new to T4L and it is our last ditch effort before putting our daughter with asperger's back into the public school.

    She has been in public school since day one and did fantastic during elementary. Her special education teacher was phenomenal and did wonderful with her. Her grades were good and her meltdowns were minimal. Then middle school and a school change came and it has been a nightmare.

    After enduring a year of not being listened to, repeated phone calls from daughter at school, lack of communication from the school, grades dropping or inconsistent, panic attacks, and finally medication for daughter, we decided to home school this year.

    It has continued to be a nightmare! While daughter's anxiety has dropped to very low and she doesn't have any panic attacks or need medication, her grades are dropping and her resistance and obstinance is at an all time high. Every single day she refuses to answer questions or read something. She will pretend she is falling asleep or stutter (on purpose - not an involuntary thing) or growl when asked to do something. I have to exercise extreme patience and calm. It is not uncommon for me to repeat the same simple question to her calmly a dozen times. I don't want to give in and let her behavior stand, but NOTHING is working.

    After 6 months of very little progress and more stress and anger than I have ever felt in my entire life, I am ready to toss her back to the public system and that awful school if for nothing else, just to have a break!! I thought maybe it was our curriculum or my teaching style so we decided to try Time4Learning. She really responds well to movies and computer-based learning.

    After our first MORNING I'm ready to quit. NOTHING changed. She was cooperative for the first couple lessons, but her best quiz score was 50% and it was on material that we had already studied the first quarter of our home school! The one lesson I had her do on her own she scored a 33% and that was stuff I have spent months trying to teach her.

    I feel so hopeless.

  2. #2
    Ruby is offline Junior Member
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    Default No worries...

    I got this.

    After a couple more days, things are going better. If I leave daughter alone and let her work on her own (just helping or reading out loud when she asks) she does much better. She fails many lessons at first, but she has been pretty willing to just keep doing them until she passes. She is actually enjoying the math! She says T4L makes math easier to understand.

    I just needed to vent. I have been unsuccessful at finding a support group to plug into. Was kind of hoping to find that here, but I guess the time lag and "hugeness" of the site doesn't really make this forum a possibility for that.
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  3. #3
    Brook Simmons's Avatar
    Brook Simmons is offline Senior Member
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    Default

    I am glad things got better for you two.

    My daughter and I butt heads a lot too when it comes to certain things and she will try to show me she is more headstrong than me. Getting to watch a movie, having company, or something spiritual is what motivates my daughter. Dinner can be motivational too for the more serious things.
    I have made it pretty much so my daughters funnest part of the day is learning. There is times I give in as well and we just both take break until 1 can give more. My daughter is learning in almost everything she does though. Even her cartoons are learning base.

    My daughter started out doing well in public school too. She has been in school since she was three because of her special needs. last year in 1st grade year she started to have a hard time in one of her classes and this year it sounds like she is doing even worse but her grades are fine. The school keeps calling me asking if I gave her medicine to her. I figure its time to homeschool her because I think all the learning is happening here at home anyways from what they say happens during her school day.
    I have no doubts at all we are gonna have melt downs during homeschooling and have to call grandma or dad or someone else to encourage or motivate learning on certain subjects. Especially writing. My daughter hates it with a passion. Oh well she use to hate talking like that too and she got over that now I can get her to stop.

  4. #4
    lovehmschlg's Avatar
    lovehmschlg is offline Forum Moderator
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    Default

    Hi, Ruby. Good to know you're not giving up. I would say most, if not all, homeschoolers have days like the one you described. Some more often than others. When my kids act like that I have to evaluate what we've been doing. If we've been in the house too many days with just constant computer time and workbook time, then they need to get out and do something different. We go to the park, library, museum, beach. Anything. We can include learning in our day even when we're out.
    If they're just being lazy or obstinate, on the other hand, then the lesson changes from academic to character training. It's one of the most important parts of homeschooling, if you ask me. Who wants to employ a super smart person who is not trainable because of their bad attitude? I just told my daughter that today. And she is high functioning with Down syndrome. But she has been very moody lately and I had to tell her she needed to think about the way she was responding when she was being corrected.
    Okay, now I'm venting.
    I just gave someone else this advice. It may help your daughter. I have found that headphones (not just ear phones) that fit snug are very helpful in minimizing distractions and helping my daughter to focus on the lesson she is listening to.

    Keep up the good work, mom.

    Janet
    Enjoying homeschooling our 3 kids using T4L and T4W
    Last edited by lovehmschlg; 03-18-2013 at 11:48 PM.

  5. #5
    jpenn's Avatar
    jpenn is offline Senior Member
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    Default For Ruby

    Quote Originally Posted by Ruby View Post
    I got this.

    After a couple more days, things are going better. If I leave daughter alone and let her work on her own (just helping or reading out loud when she asks) she does much better. She fails many lessons at first, but she has been pretty willing to just keep doing them until she passes. She is actually enjoying the math! She says T4L makes math easier to understand.

    I just needed to vent. I have been unsuccessful at finding a support group to plug into. Was kind of hoping to find that here, but I guess the time lag and "hugeness" of the site doesn't really make this forum a possibility for that.

    Hi Ruby,

    I think we have all been where you are at one time or another. My DD has dyslexia, ADHD, CAPD, and bipolar so I can understand some of what you are experiencing and I have felt what you have been feeling more than once. Hugs to you.

    I am so glad to hear that just backing off her has actually improved the situation a bit. That also helped my daughter. She might need time to deschool just a little.

    She might enjoy working on life skills and hands on activities like cooking in the kitchen (great way to incorporate math, history, readingm following directions...), nature walks (science and p.e.), learning how to sew or balance a check book. begin a savings account, or learn how to change a tire. It is amazing how much kids actually learn from everyday living.

    Since your daughter responds well to computer based learning, you might want to check out Vocabulary Spelling City, Learning Games for Kids, and Vocabulary Is Fun. All are free to use. Homeschool Literature even has an online book club she might be interested in joining.

    I am not sure how old your daughter is, but Let's Homeschool High School does have junior high kids that can join the student forum. She might enjoy relating to other homeschooled kids.

    You sound like a great Mom who is doing the very best she can for her daughter.

    Best wishes to you and be sure to keep us informed.
    Last edited by jpenn; 03-19-2013 at 09:49 PM.
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    Joyfully,
    Jackie

  6. #6
    Sarita is offline Junior Member Newbie
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    I homeschool my son he is Autistic. It was hell the first year but I learned not to take his BS! Sorry Mom your girl is playing you and hurting you to get out of her work. She knows what to work on you so she doesn't have to. My son knows now nothing is for free, if he wants pizza for dinner and not oat meal he will do his handwriting. If he wants to play around and take forever doing his worksheet thats cool cause he just got himself another worksheet to do. He knows if he doesnt do his work on time I will give him more. What does she like? What can you take away that will have her doing 10 worksheets or more to get back? My son loves Pizza and playing outside. That is my weapon!

  7. #7
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    I know the frustrations that you experience, you must have the patience equivalent to that of three people to deal at times! I know that it can be hard to get/hold your child's attention at times but just be persistent and it will all work out! I noticed you said that you 'calmly' repeat things to your child a dozen times. In my experience with my daughter, whom is autistic, she would have a total meltdown if I were to repeat something to her like that. I would just word what you are trying to say in a different manner that makes it easier for her to understand. I have found this to work excellent with my child.

    I have also seen that there is not very much support on these forums. If you ever need to vent privately just let me know and I will send you my email address. Take care and I wish you the best!

  8. #8
    bbooth's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sarita View Post
    I homeschool my son he is Autistic. It was hell the first year but I learned not to take his BS! Sorry Mom your girl is playing you and hurting you to get out of her work. She knows what to work on you so she doesn't have to. My son knows now nothing is for free, if he wants pizza for dinner and not oat meal he will do his handwriting. If he wants to play around and take forever doing his worksheet thats cool cause he just got himself another worksheet to do. He knows if he doesnt do his work on time I will give him more. What does she like? What can you take away that will have her doing 10 worksheets or more to get back? My son loves Pizza and playing outside. That is my weapon!
    In my opinion, this is not acceptable for many children with autism. If I were to take something away from my autistic daughter in hopes of her refining her behavior (completing school work), it would NOT work at all as she would have no concept of what I was trying to accomplish by doing that. I have always been very accepting of her behavior (and it can be extreme at times), and would never assume she was 'playing me' to get out of something. I suppose it all depends on the severity of the autism and as all parents of autistic children know... no two children are alike!

    I guess I was one of the lucky parents that was blessed with endless patience and understanding when it comes to my daughter and autism. It is frustrating, yes, but you have to try to see things from the child's perspective and that is VERY hard to do at times.In time, I have figured out the best ways to communicate with her and to handle her quirks.

    I would suggest researching Temple Grandin to at least get a 'glimpse' into the working of the autistic mind, it is amazing!

    Take care and good luck!

  9. #9
    bbooth's Avatar
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    WoW! You and I are in the same boat! I took my daughter out of public schools in March due to the reasons you have listed among others as well. When her teacher suggested having my daughter put on medication due to her 'outbursts' in class, that was the last straw! Not to mention it is illegal in Va to suggest that to a parent.

    I had attended multiple parent/teacher conferences at her school and was very upset and discourage of all the negative things said about my child. Her teacher would tell me about something she was doing in class and then would say 'I'm not sure if that has something to do with her autism or not?' I was in TOTAL shock! Why has this teacher not been taught the various 'behaviors' of an autistic child? I feel that it should be mandatory that they attend seminars on disorders that affect children!

    Once the school started calling me to have me pick up my child continuously due to her being 'over emotional' or 'just not being herself today', and then attempting to get me for truancy afterwards... I gave up on public schools! She will never attend one again!

  10. #10
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    I have to agree with you about the teachers not being trained properly on how to teach and interact with a student with BSA. I went to the IEP meeting and was informed by 2 teachers that they did not know if my grandson would be able to keep up with the demands that will be placed on him in 4th grade. Public school is on too rigorous time schedule for my grandson. He needs time to transition from one subject to the next. I am familiar with homeschooling process; however, this will be the first time I will be teaching a child with BSA. His father had an IEP when he was in school for Communication and had to have one on one speech therapy help; however, the school said my grandson didn't fall into the score range with testing to receive speech therapy assistance. I am frustrated with the unkept promises by the public school system.

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