Needing help
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Thread: Needing help

  1. #1
    larryandcodysmommy is offline Junior Member Newbie
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    Default Needing help

    I am newer to time 4 learning . We started in Sept. this year. I have two boys one is 8 and one is 7. The main reason I started to homeschool them was due to my youngest son having severe speech apraxia. Well My oldest son started in 2nd grade work he has now excelled to 3rd grade work. My 7 year old started doing K and bumped up to 1st grade- some is to hard yet so we bounced back to K to do refresher courses. Well the problem is my lovely X-Husband has decided he does not want the boys homeschooled. He wants all the curriculum and reports and so forth, then his next biggest worry is their "socialism" . Has any one had to deal with a blank like this? And how can I get him off my back? We even have attorneys involved- its a huge mess. I dont want to have to put them back in the school system when they are doing so well. Any ideas anything would help. Thanks for listening to my story. Oh they also want to know what kind of special training I have to teach a child with special needs!!!

  2. #2
    Syd'sMom is offline Member
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    Sorry to hear you are dealing with all of this. We had some issues with dad when we started. I think a lot of how this plays out is determined by what state you are in. I tried to remind myself often that dad was trying his best to do what he thought was best for the kids, just like I was. We just didn't agree on what was best right then. It helped me to not feel like it was a personal attack. As my attorney politely reminded me on a few occasions, they are his children too. The best bet is to get him on board. If he can see their success, he may soften.

    He got a state agency involved. I did whatever they asked. I invited them to my house to meet my kids and see our curriculum. They never came. They wanted reports. T4L has those aplenty. I designed some reports that are very similar to the progress reports we used to get each quarter from our PS and I provided them to him and to the agent that got involved with us for a time. The T4L reports make it easy to do because all the information is there. I just tried to make it look a little more like the PS. They wanted they kids standardized tested. If you are in a state that has standardized testing, that will clearly document your children's progress for you. Our state doesn't have anything like that. I had to find an independent group to do it for me. The kids hated it, but we endured. All of this time felt like a waste to me and the kids. It kept the agency off my back, but to soften dad, it took time for him to see their progress himself. I talked to lots of people who I knew still communicated with dad. I made sure they got to see the kids and listen to expressions from the kids about what we were doing and how they felt about it. In time he softened. I don't know where you live, but there are a lot of HS groups that meet for social experiences if you aren't getting them from friends/family/church/extra-curricular activities.

    I am happy to say that after four years, dad says HS was the best thing that happened to our daughter. Our son (by his choice, not dad's or mom's choice) is back in PS. When our son was going to go back, he should have been in the 8th grade. The school said they had to test him to make sure he could handle it. They put him in 9th grade. The following year they dual enrolled him in college. So it's a little hard for dad to mock me now and he doesn't ask any questions at all about our daughter's curriculum or progress. Ours is a happy ending, but it was a long road to get there. Take it one day at a time.

  3. #3
    Yca's Avatar
    Yca
    Yca is offline Senior Member
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    welcome to the group l&c mom - glad to have you, and glad to hear that you're doing well with the curriculum. sorry i'm just now seeing this, its been a hectic few days. i, too, have been through a custody battle with my ex over homeschooling. it is a difficult process that can make you absolutely nuts and break your heart. unfortunately, there is no "right" answer that i can give you. believe me, i wish there was. but i do have a few pearls of wisdom i have picked up ...

    1. THE MOST IMPORTANT: make sure you are doing everything exactly within the limits of the law. make sure you have followed the procedure for your county/state to the T. there is no room for error when it comes to this.

    2. print out all of the reports and send him copies (and your attorneys). that way, they can keep abreast of your boys' progress. you might also want to have your attorney arrange a time when you can all meet to go through the curriculum together. take them on a tour, have them see what the boys see, have your boys do lessons in front of them.

    3. see if there are ways that your ex could be involved in their education. suggest he take them on field trips, or start special interest projects with them. my ex was unable to attend public school field trips, so i told him that with katie homeschooling, he would have the ability to do some awesome one-on-one field trips with her: science center and whatnot.

    4. socialization is a wall that almost every parent on this board has had to face at some time or another. i'm sure kelly can bring up several posts for you on what we've all said, but you can also search back thru "other discussions", and i'm sure something will catch your eye. we all have different opinions, but i'll tell you that my kids are highly active in other things (mostly Scouts and church), we're a part of a couple of homeschool groups in our area, and we go on playdates. see if you can get involved in any of these. sports, tae kwon do, anything. the key that we have found is that it is not about "general" socialization, but "guarded" or "guided" socialization. ... which is actually how we function as adults. you don't just hang out with anybody ... you have people at work that are all there for the same purpose, people at church that all have a central interest, etc. homeschooling groups and such are the same idea ... just shorter participants.

    5. my ex's attorney raked me over the coals for a straight hour about my training and qualifications for teaching. i live in florida, and you don't have to have any .. you just have to be your child's parent. i had the statute available and with every question he asked me, i asnwered him, and then quoted the statute. by the end of the hour, he was screaming at me, i was very calm and had proven that the law was on my side. this may not work in your scenario, but thought you'd like to hear how it went for me.

    6. because your child does have special needs, make sure you are following up with any therapies, or doctor's appointments or whatever it is he requires. after EVERY appointment, write up a summary and send it to your ex (cc-ing your attorney). "just wanted to let you know what happened at therapy today, blah blah blah" or whatever. that way there are NO questions. the last thing you want to do is leave yourself open for attack.

    finally ... just from a personal perspective. it may be jsut how i read it, but your note sounds very angry. i know - probably more than anyone - just how frustrating this situation can be. but you have to let go of the anger. you being mad at him is only going to make it worse. you are doing an amazing thing for your sons, and as long as you are doing it legally and correctly, you can sleep well at night. not everyone gets their way in court ... i've temporarily lost my battle over my daughter (but it had more to do with our finances than the homeschooling). but as long as you can do your best and work hard for you boys, that's all that counts in the long run.

    i'll be praying for you ... please let me know if you have any more questions.
    ~ Yca ~
    (otherwise known as Jess )

    Wife to Dave and Mom to Red - 13, The Princess - 11, Fluffyheaded Diva - 6, and Sir Smiley - 3
    Read about our adventures HERE!


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